Working as a tech for a school district, we do a lot of filtering, lockdowns, etc. So I get to do a bunch of security stuff. You high schoolers hate me. Sucks Huh? Heh.
Anyway you'll like these.
Running a network scan on a vocational department I get a hit for Napster. I narrow it down to one group of machines in the drafting class and after school's out I head over there and crank em all up to find it. It's not on any classroom pcs. I look all through them. Long story short- the teacher had 2 gigs of 80's mp3s on his machine. A strict no-no. Select all, Delete. No more Napster. Hey, I left a note.
Well 2 months later, we were prepping the same school for a server upgrade that was gonna happen a few weeks later, we get a call.
"The whole school's getting out of space errors from the server" This same idiot copied ANOTHER 2 gigs of MP3s to the server and ran it out of space (thus the upgrade). I ran him down and deleted them from the server. I asked him why he had copied that stuff up there. He said he wanted to make sure it didn't get lost in the upgrade. He got the full lockdown.
Same school different class, different year. Before Christmas break teachers give the kids 'free days', no classwork, just play on the computers. Apparently this had been planned for a while, because these kids were coming in with headphones to play Internet games. I arrived to replace a dead drive and while sitting in the back of the class I saw all these games going on. Tsk Tsk. Look over shoulders, gather the urls.
I called the proxy admin and read them out. He said he was gonna block them immediately. I took great delight in watching the "Bess can't go there" url pop up and kill the games pages one by one.
They hate me, but they hate Bess more.
The other day I was walking a customer through an install and had to remove a folder, well, as it turned out the computer was on the other side of the room so that person had her friend relay my instructions. As I was explaining to the friend to have her go into "My Computer", I hear her yell to her friend, "He said to go into His Computer", well, needless to say I had an extreamly hard time keeping the laughter on the inside.
About a week after this woman picked her computer up from being serviced by us, she comes back in complaining that her cdrom didn't work. It was the slot style cdrom (like the kind that are in car stereos where you put the CD in the slot in it automatically inserts it).
Anywho, I take it in the back to try it out. Sure enough, the CD gets about half way in, then ejects. Almost like something was preventing it from going any farther.
I take the cdrom out of the computer and take it apart and sure enough there was an obstruction:
and about 47 cents in mixed change.
In complete shock, I put the cdrom back together, replaced it back in the computer and test it (the cdrom still worked surprisingly).
I didn't ask any questions or say anything but "have a nice day" as I handed the credit cards and computer back (I kept the 47 cents for myself). She looked pretty embarassed and mumbled a couple thankyous and quickly left.
For the record, I think the woman's kids did it, lets hope so.
I used to work as a PC salesman at a large home electronics retail store. The credit for this sadly true story goes to one of our techs.
A lady comes over to the tech bench one day with her cpu tower in her arms. She sets it down on the counter less than delicately and declares that she bought it 6 months ago and now it isn't working. So the tech plugs it in to check it out. Sure enough, it's all hooked up but it won't switch on.
Next the tech decides to pop the case open to take a peek inside. He gets the side panel off and is greeted with the strong smell of household air freshener. He asks the lady what the smell is.
She explains that she didn't like the smell coming from the fan at the back of the PC so she sprayed air freshener inside it.
The tech is dumbfounded. He stutters for a few moments and then finally manages to choke out, "You can't spray aerosol AIR FRESHENER *INSIDE* your computer!!"
The lady looks confused for a moment, then snaps her fingers. Her enthusiastic reply is, and I quote: "Oh, I should've used *LYSOL*, right??"
The tech, all red in the face, had to leave for 5 minutes and when he came back he simply closed the case back up, handed it to the lady and told her that the PC was dead and that she should NOT try looking for a new one.
One day a Customer called saying her internet connection didn't work (dial up at that time) So I asked her what happens when she try to connect. She answered that she couldn't enter her password. That only stars (*) would apear on the screen !
I was helping my dad diagnose a network problem at work. We took a screen shot to show the error message, then called his employer's tech support. They have a remote-control support program, so I watch as the mouse on the screen starts to move around. The guy looks around, and we direct him to the screenshot. He opens it, and proceeds to look at it. When it was time to close, he went up and clicked on the close button - in the screenshot. Nothing happened (of course). He tried again. Still nothing. Both my dad and I were trying our best not to start laughing as we could picture him flailing with an unresponsive desktop. After a good 30 seconds of confusion, he finally figured out that he was clicking on a picture and moved on.
I swear this is true. I was an outbound services tech for (well for legal reasons I'll change the company to CompUSSR). I was installing a machine at a residence and giving a 1 hour 'lesson' as it were. It was a Mac and I was worried about not knowing as much as the customer. No need to worry...
"How do I turn it off?" -customer
"Take the mouse and move the arrow up to the little apple right up there..."
(customer picks up the mouse like a remote control and starts clicking and waving it around)
"It doesn't work" -customer
I couldn't help but be reminded of Scotty...
I'm on the phone with SBC DSL now because my DSL is going slower than fuck. The "genious" tech guy sugests that I create an new connection. I'm runing through a router so I just make it sound like I'm doing it. After 30-45 min on the line going through his BS, he realizes that they are still testing my line to make it faster because I haven't had it for 10 days.
Which is something that boggles me. The first day I was connecting at 1.2Mbps, and now i'm at 30-60Kbps. Is this better? Wouldn't they start low and work their way up? Or see it was working fast and leave it there.