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Dumbass Database
A collection of dumbasses for your amusement
Created By: WebMasterP
Version: 2.8.5

Category: Miscellaneous

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Dumbass #77 - Submitted on 02-03-2002 by Tailin
I do phone support for stand-alone photo kiosks.
The system uses a Sun systems microprocessor and displays "Powered by Sun Microsystems" as it boots. A customer had called in saying that it was not printing. We did some troubleshooting and were slowly getting there. Then she asked me if she should move it across the lab. We had already made sure they met system power specifications where it was plugged in so I asked her why she wanted to move it. She said "Well, it says it's powered by the Sun. I thought I should move it closer to the window."

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 2

Dumbass #74 - Submitted on 02-03-2002 by Snake
I was talking to a friend about upgrading his K6-2 300Mhz machine about a year ago and his inherent llamaness was so amusing that I saved the chat.

Snake says:
do you have any liking for socket over slot 1?
Quelog says:
excuse me?
Quelog says:
rephrase that
Snake says:
do you prefer socket or slot?
Quelog says:
as a name?
Snake says:
the cpu format, dumbass

Then later he was examining the spec sheet for the KT7A:

Quelog says:
1 AGP slot?
Snake says:
how many agp slots did you expect?
Quelog says:
well, my crappy mobo has...um...2 or 3
Quelog says:
lemme get the manual
Snake says:
that's pci, dumbass
Snake says:
agp is so advanced, you wouldn't even have anything to go in it if you got the kt7a
Quelog says:
i was gonna get an AGP voodoo, but i couldnt rememeber if i had an open one
Quelog says:
i have an AGP card, but i dont remember what it is
Snake says:
Quelog says:
maybe the modem
Snake says:

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 2

Dumbass #57 - Submitted on 02-02-2002 by Eriol
I work in the IT Industry in the midwest, so you'll probably get a few quotes from me. (If you asked "what IT industry," you're not far off the mark.)

I was waiting around in the RMA department at a local computer distributor, and this lady walks in carrying her computer, cover off, with one hand, by the chassis; just a-swingin' it along like she's having a good time. Well, as we all know, cases can have sharp edges in them... but unfortunately she didn't. As she was walking across the room, it ripped a huge gash across her fingers and even tore through a couple of tendons. The poor lady was gushing blood all over everywhere, and they had to call an ambulance for her.

After it happened, she looked at the tech, anguish and accusation painted on her face -- "you didn't tell me it would do that!"

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 2

Dumbass #56 - Submitted on 02-02-2002 by memluk
i used to do tech support for a large pc manufacturer, so i've obviously had to speak to a large number of dumbasses, but one in particular stands out.
the man called up, complaining that the phone jack on his pc's modem was too small to plug the phone line in. i pull up his sys's specs, and it's just a normal 56k modem in his sys, so i suggest that he's trying to plug in an ethernet line. nope, he insists, it's a regular phone line. after extensive head scratching, i go into the companies parts database, and pull up a photo of the modem in question. instead of the typical labels in the metal next to the jacks, this one had little green stickers next to them:one showing a black silhouette of a phone, and the other a black silhouette of a phone jack. that's right, he was trying to plug the line into THE STICKER, instead of the perfectly normal, obvious jack right next to it.

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 2

Dumbass #34 - Submitted on 02-01-2002 by ness
"hey, do i gotta reinstall windows after i change my heatsink?"

"hey, whats the difference between a 10x and and 12x speed burner?"( i said, "2x?"...he said, "okay thanks" and he sounded quite serious about it)

"I need help...of course u wouldn't know what the pop-up error means, it's too complicated for you" (coming from the same guy... :T)

- Afraid that he would read this and eat me...
Comments: 0 || Votes: 2

Dumbass #121 - Submitted on 05-17-2002 by dumbfounded
I had a cousin call me to repair her computer because she said it wasn't working. When I arrived at her house I could see that her system was powered up but her monitor was not turned on. I turned it on and she was amazed at how quickly I fixed it. It took me an hour to get her to understand that you had to turn both on. Anyways after showing her how to turn her system on and off she wants me to show her how to use it. I go to connect her to the net and there is no connection she had previously informed me that she was all set for the net. I look and she didn't have her phone line hooked to the modem. She was baffled why she couldn't just connect to the net and didn't have any idea why you had to connect the phone line. For days she kept uplugging the phone line and couldn't figure out why she lost her internet connection. She even had her computer sent to the shop because I refused to go back to her house. The repairman put a new modem in and delivered it to her house and didn't hook it up. Same problem. I finally got sick of it and duct taped the line into the modem. Haven't had a problem since then. She paid $800 dollars for the system last year and it has an old 486 processor with 32 meg of ram.

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #118 - Submitted on 05-07-2002 by GSRwBOOST
Shortly after the 9/11 bombings and the terrorist threats of chemicle and biological warfare.. We had been warned about mail in our building and around the world. Duh!!

Anyway... we get this call...

Word Support person: "network support, can i help you?"

Secretary "yes, can i talk to one of the guys on the other side of the room?"

Tech: "This is **** speaking, what did you need?"

Secretary "Hi ****, can I catch Anthrax from my email?"

Tech <speachless for a few seconds> "no" <trying to control himself>

Secretary "ok, thanks.. I didn't recognize this person that sent me an email and I just wanted to be sure"

Tech "ok, have a nice day"

The guy started laughing uncontrollably, then after getting litteraly up off the floor, told us the story...


Comments: 0 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #117 - Submitted on 04-16-2002 by Cheney
I picked up a help desk call one day to hear Miss Airhead ask me for a lightbulb. So I inform her that she needs to call Facilities Management as we only handle the computer equipment. She then responds "But, my monitor is going dim and I need to replace the light bulb. I was nice and told her I would replace the monitor although my co-worker wanted to put a light bulb on her desk.

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #115 - Submitted on 03-12-2002 by dyurdz
Well, this actually happend during my "DOS" days in a Turbo C programming class when I was in college. Being in a 3rd world country, we have these clone PC's to do our programming with. One day, when the class is about to end to, I did the prank to a classmate where I pushed and held the power button (this won't turn off the PC until I let go of the button - remember, "DOS" days) and told him that if he wont stop coding and save his work, I'm letting go of the power button. This would usually make the victim do as told.
Some of my victims would then do the pranks to our classmates. A particular victim of mine did these prank to our class bully (the bully was his friend though) but instead of pushing and holding the power button, he pushed the reset button , automatically rebooting the system... good thing they were friends. What a dumbass...

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #114 - Submitted on 03-11-2002 by loogie
Ok... I'm sitting here in Networking class (which has 5 ppl), and another class just came in to do an English assignment, using Word. The other class' teacher came over to a student beside me, and said this:

"Ok, now I just told you... it has to be double-spaced. Now you have to delete everything you wrote, and start all over. This time, before you write anything, select the format do be double-spaced."

AHAHAHAHAHA! Umm... all he had to do is highlight everything he had written and select "double-space" then; boom. But let him figure that out.

- Anonymous
Comments: 1 || Votes: 1

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