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Dumbass Database
A collection of dumbasses for your amusement
Created By: WebMasterP
Version: 2.8.5

Category: Miscellaneous

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Dumbass #112 - Submitted on 03-06-2002 by Finamenon
Ok, a friend of mine was telling me about this teacher of his that is just a complete ditz. Keep in mind, she has doctorate. Well one day, she was trying to use a projector to play a move off of her computer. Well she would keep playing it, but no sound would play. Everyone started screaming at her that she needed to turn the volume up. So she started turning the volume dial on the projector. Growing impatient, people began tell her to use the yellow speaker thats on the computer. So what does she do? She walks up to the projector screen, and starts poking the speaker with her finger! Everyone just went into a riot and that teacher had no idea why.

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #108 - Submitted on 02-13-2002 by ucdbiendog
OK, I'm a student at UC Davis, and I'm no genius. However i do know some about computers, enough to realize what a dumbass my roomate was last quarter:

Something had gone wrong with his OS, WIN ME i think and he had to format his hard drive apparently. SO i guess he does. The dude knocks on my door and tells me his situation and that he lost a lot of mp3s. He then proceeds to ask if he could UNDO A FORMAT. I could barely contain myself. This guy was supposed to be a computer science and engineering major and he asks if he could undo a format. It's no wonder he flunked out after last quarter.

- Ryan
Comments: 1 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #103 - Submitted on 02-07-2002 by PuR
Why do all the dumbasses get the Good Tech Jobs... They must be just like lawyers.. they lie really well... and in the end it all comes out that they dont know shit

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #101 - Submitted on 02-06-2002 by acewolff80
A friend of mine was working as an intern for the summer for a company that provides computer systems for buisnesses. He sometimes provided tech support for some of the less than computer savy people working there. (Think receptionists) This particular time it was a tech call he was answering for a receptionist. She had called him telling him that her spreadsheet wouldn't open. He went to investigate only to find that she had her resolution set to 320x240 so that a small picture of her baby filled the screen as her background. It gets better. He figures he will just adjust the resolution and escape this dumbass, but when he does so the lady screams, "MY BABY! What have you done to my baby?!?" She then will not let him leave until he has manually resized the picture to fit in a higher resolution. (this was an older system without the automatic resizing of background option) This is why interns hate their jobs.

- Acewolff80
Comments: 0 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #100 - Submitted on 02-05-2002 by Slappy Hooper
I am retail manager of a small computer store in Iowa, and just had a funny thing happen.

When computers are checked in for service work, everything is noted at checkin and printed on their order. If we find any items that weren't noted at checkin, we note them later on so they print out on the final receipt.
Anyway, I walked back a few minutes after a tech had opened a computer case up. He started noting stuff that had been crammed in the case somehow.
1 Old stale greasy french fry
1 wood screw
3 cds inserted into the 5.25 inch blanks.........
the funny thing about that is, we have to go through that list when the customer comes to pick it up and place check mark by everything on the pickup list while handing it to the customer.

- Stephen Rivera
Comments: 1 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #99 - Submitted on 02-05-2002 by Moony1234
I was sittin in school with a mate surfin some pc sites.. I was lookin for a new case and we seen some Flex-ATX cases.. he turns to me and says "does that mean the motherboards and all are flexible" gawd we laffed at him :p

- Sam
Comments: 0 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #96 - Submitted on 02-05-2002 by booyaa
AKK! Bout 5 years ago i got a modem and was playing the direct dial multiplayer games w/ my buds, connecting to bbs's etc. so a buddy of mine thought this was really neat and wanted to get one too, just needed to get some money from his mom. now i dunno if his mom had seen some lame hacking movie or sumthin, but she refused, giving the reason that someone mite hack in, blow her computer up and set the house on fire. couldn't stop laughing (both him and i). he tried explaining the reality to her, but she didn't buy it, even after visiting a computer store, she said, "he just wants us to buy the modem". and he never got one =(

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #95 - Submitted on 02-05-2002 by CircuitBreaker
Ok here it goes. One day I come home and my emloyees tell me that the Prosecuting Attorney called and he sounded really pissed. Well need less to say that they didn't know that i knew the guy ( I do computer work for his wife now and then). So I go and call him and this is what he says. "Oh my fucking god I broke this fucking peiece of shit thing" I asked him what he had did and he told me that all he did was turn the thing on and walked into the kitchen to get a drink and when he came back there was nothing. I told him that to move the mouse, he did , nothing (I thought maybe she was messing with the screen saver again) and in the mean time he is still cusing this thing out like a mad man. Then I got an idea I asked him what color was the LED. Get this he says what is a LED so I explained. He then says its not a color so I of course start laughing LMAO I said see that little button by the LED He says yes , so I say push it. He says WOW it's on is that all I had to do. I never let him forget it when he calls me up to do stuff for him.

Is this the guy we want putting our cirminals away in our town?????

- Prosecuting Attorney
Comments: 1 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #93 - Submitted on 02-04-2002 by fearmebitch
Sorry if it might be a bit long...
Do you ever wonder why you call tech support only to find out that they're [much] dumber than you.

I called ComcastOnline (or whatever they now call it) because my modem light kept on blinking and i couldn't think of any other possible thing to fix it. I called them hoping that they would just say "service is down - we'll issue you a refund for this time missed". Instead this dumbass tells me to reconfigure my settings - HELLO - modem light is blinking = no signal to modem, much less the computer. i just let him blabber on. he also tells me i seem to know my way around computers very well. funny - he may have felt a lil insulted. he then finds out that the model they issued me 4 years ago "is not DOCSIS compliant - it's just been working magically on their network without any residual ip addresses." so he arranges an appointment for the installer to DELIVER (b/w the hours of 1-5)the modem. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO LEAVE THE THING AT MY HOUSE??? (5days). I am now getting a new ugly white modem - compared to the cool black one i used to have. After I hung up i immediately thought of this site to leave the conv. - i checked up a day later and guess what - the modem now works (compliant or not mr. TechSupport?) The best part of the conv. was when he told me i "was lucky i didnt buy a modem yet (just renting) because technology is changing so quickly within every couple of months - like this new 1.4GHz processor -- THAT'S MORE THAN A YEAR OLD JACKASS!!! WAKEUP! and also - what's been so new with cable modem technology in the last ~5 years that i shouldn't buy a modem?!?!?! that made me laugh on the phone. Luckily he quickly said "of course that's just my opinion - nothing representing the company's opinion - let's just hope so.

How come every time i ever call tech support (which thankfully isn't much) i have to teach those dumbasses something new?!?!?!

-Notice how most of these Dumbass stories have an author of some techsupport retard.

- Comcast TechSupport
Comments: 0 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #91 - Submitted on 02-04-2002 by lonetrixter
This is one of those things that I would have never believed if it hadn't happened to me personally :P (and with witnesses)... I was working in the computer labs of my university when I was contacted by one of the faculty liasons for the university football team. It turns out one of their players had a bit of an interest in computers and was thinking of going into computer science as a major.

Well I'm not one to be particularly prejudicial against 'jocks' so I agreed to meet with him and see if it would be possible for him to actually make it through this relatively difficult program.

We met for dinner with my family and several other CS friends and talked with him for awhile. It turns out the reason he wanted to go into computer science was he really enjoyed playing computer games. Which I guess is as valid a reason as any since its one of the main reasons I ended up in computer science myself.

The next question (and his subsequent answer) absolutely floored everyone at the table though. I asked "Have you taken any computer classes in high school and do you know any computer languages?". He looked at me... stone faced serious... then looked around the table... and said "Ooh man, you mean they can talk too!?"

Needless to say that was one less CS entry candidate that year.

- Joe Jock, college football genius
Comments: 0 || Votes: 1

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