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Dumbass Database
A collection of dumbasses for your amusement
Created By: WebMasterP
Version: 2.8.5

Category: Miscellaneous

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Dumbass #147 - Submitted on 04-28-2003 by bigE
I helped this old guy [he's dead now] buy a super fast computer at the time. I set it up for him at his house and showed him a few basics. A few days later he loudly complained that the mouse didn't work. Basic phone advice wouldn't work with this guy so I went clear across town to help. I asked him to show me the problem and he picks the freak'n mouse up off the mouse pad, placed the mouse ONTO the monitor's glass directly over the pointer and tried moving it vertically on the monitor's glass. He bitched that he couldn't see what he was pointing at and they should have thought of a better way. OH MY WORD! I kindly placed his hand and mouse back on the mouse pad and something miraculous happened when the mouse ball actually rolled.

- bigE
Comments: 1 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #143 - Submitted on 03-08-2003 by derr12
I work for HP Pavillion tech support.. so naturally we deal with a lot of ignorant, gullable, an many many plain stupid assholes.

i dont mind the stupid people, they just dont know any better. What bothers me is how other companies exploit thier ignorance to make them believe a software flaw is due to HP's hardware.

AOL and MSN are the main culprits of this, and it is to the point now that if i were an HP exec. i would be sueing the shit out of these guys.

AOL and MSN 8.0 have inherant bugs that in-properly report the modem as not working or missing "ERROR MODEM NOT FOUND"

AOL and MSN support get called first usually.
and what they do is before the do ANYTHING they spit off a bullshit excuse and refer to HP.

"AOL says my rescources were too low (in windows XP)"

"MSN told me to delete my communications folder but they cant do it because its illegal"

"MSN says i need you guys to help me remove and re-install my network card (on dail up service)"

"msn says my modem is broken (after already dialing up, connecting and having a username/password rejected)

Now this is just for "MODEM NOT FOUND"
AOL and MSN are both the worst put together piece of software since Windows 95 alpha. they frequently corrupt drivers, lock up windows, MUNCH down rescources (win 9x), are a bitch to uninstall (they leave scripts behind)


solution 1. remove the modem driver from device manager. REBOOT. that solves "MODEM NOT FOUND"

solution 2. UNINSTALL/REINSTALL MSN+AOL software. this takes 15 mins tops. and its the responsibility of the manufacturer..

Out of concern for the customer we end up doing msn and AOL's dirty work to prevent the EU from being tossed around more than Gordaen's ass on a all male Military base.

NOW we are recieving calls where AOL has been instructing customers how to delete hyper terminal in windows XP. We use hyperterminal to connect to an MCI mail server to prove that the modem is functional. IN windows XP you can not re-install hyper terminal without re-installing windws entirely. you cant get it from the windows components section of ADD/REMOVE.

which means all we can do is reinstall windows which would reinstall the factory shipped AOL software AND MSN software. THUS FIXING THE PROBLEM OF THE SHOTTY SOFTWARE!


not only is it annoying, but more people will swallow these companies bullshit and make HP look like its not supporting faulty hardware as opposed to the truth which is that these companies are sayiing anything to keep the calls from taking longer than 5 mins, all you have to do is blame the problem on the reputable company (HP, despite what the webmaster has said about us)

IN this act HP is loosing money to labour costs and MSN+AOL are saving money because they can take more calls with the same amount of agents.

- derr12
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #142 - Submitted on 03-07-2003 by Monster811
I know some people who are complete airheads when it comes to computers:

My friend thinks gigahertz is a measurement of coleslaw.

My mom always gets heatsink and hotsync confused. I think she spends too much time with her PDA...

My sister was stupid enough to somehow, without knowingly downloading anything, put a keylogger trojan on my mother's computer.

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #140 - Submitted on 01-29-2003 by MarioDX2
I work at a small computer store in Eastern Europe.

Today a client came there. A few days ago he had bought a second hard disk to his computer and told me it didn't work. I asked him about the jumpers, he said he knew everything about that and it wasn't the case. Then I proceeded to ask about partitions and formatting and he had never heard of it. I gave him short instructions and he seemed to understand everything. Then he opened his mouth and said: "But I had a second hard disk before and it worked fine. Therefore you sold me a broken hard disk." I told him everything over at least three times when he was ready to go try that "formatting" thing I suggested.
And then, just when he was about to leave, he said he repairs computers for living.

I simply don't understand how is this possible.

- Anonymous
Comments: 1 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #138 - Submitted on 12-03-2002 by Splice
Another case of dumb tech support personnel, one that doesn't really involved computers but happened to me several times...

I used to work at a home theater shop, and one of the things I often did was work on customer's satellite TV systems (DirecTV). A little background, the satellite receiver has to be plugged into a phone line so that it can report pay-per-view usage and such through it's modem. Most of the people we did work for were in the upper tax brackets and had multiple phone lines. We'd hook up the satellite receivers to the fax line, or some other rarely used line.

Now whenever we had to call DirecTV for any sort of problem (which happened a lot for a while), we'de have to go through their list of tests, including a self test of the receiver. One of the things this tests is if a phone line is connected.

Now here's the dumb part. These techs would be listening for the "click" on their headsets when the receiver tried to access the phone line, and would assume something was wrong with our hookup when they didn't hear it. Even when we explained it, some of them couldn't grasp the concept that we were calling from a different phone line than the receiver was hooked up to.

- DirecTV Tech Support
Comments: 1 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #136 - Submitted on 11-21-2002 by fred flinstone
In high school, there was this nerd who had his apendix taken out due to an emergency. A friend Nathan Williams caught part of the converstaion and heard that this nerd was abbout to blow. Nathan then said what was he, constipated?

- Fred Flinstone
Comments: 1 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #132 - Submitted on 10-15-2002 by jameswing
More about this dumbass project manager. A couple months ago I had to change his e-mail address because he was getting to much spam (PORN) email. I checked his emial and found that he had signed up for a online personal service and used his work email as the address. I then checked his history and found that he regulary surfs PORN on the weekends. I told him that if he dosne't stop that I will take email and the web away from him

- jameswing
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #130 - Submitted on 10-10-2002 by jtechjdv
Me: Thank-you for calling ***** technical support, how can I help you?

Him: Mah (not 'my', 'mah') brand new monitor don't work.

Me: Could you please check both ends of the power and monitor cable to see that they are both securely connected?

Him: Do you think I'm some kinda idiot?

Me: No sir, I just have to follow procedures....I take it you are telling me it's plugged in?

Him: Yeah.

Me: Is the light on the monitor coming on when you turn the monitor on?

Him: Yup

Me: What color is the light?

Him: Yella (Not Yellow, not amber, 'Yella')

Me: What color is the light on your computer?

Him: I dunno.

Me: Isn't the computer right there with you?

Him: Yup.

Me: Then I take it the light is off.

Him: I can't tell.

Me: Is the computer buried in a desk or something?

Him: Nope. It's still in the box.

That's right, the guy had set the monitor up in the middle of the floor, plugged it in and turned it on. I guess he expected to see a test pattern or something.

I did not bother answering his earlier question, even though by then I am pretty sure I had the answer.

- John Vesper
Comments: 1 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #120 - Submitted on 05-11-2002 by kahuna
The most stupid thing I've seen, I was helping in a computer shop, I installed the 'default' software and things like that. The "technician" there was a guy too stupid to work as anything, the funniest thing was that one day he was trying to connect a new hard disk and he wasn't able to connect the power cable, suddenly he look at it and say .. "aha!! it has some kind of cuts, hehehe" I think, so he isn't so stupid .. but he took a knife and cut the plug so it could be inserted the other way ... have you ever seen smoke from a seagate ... I did :-)

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #119 - Submitted on 05-10-2002 by The Great CHibero
When i was studying electronics at my school, a biology theacher told me 'bout to install the new computer on her classroom.I agreed, and after installation, i gave her a 3 1/2 disk with her personal files.After that, I advertished her 'bout power overloads, how to power off, etc, and specially about the viruses.Two days later, she told me that the new computer was unable to read her personal disquette.After checking the computer, i found that the disquette were damaged.I asked her about this, and guess what she told me: "As you warned me against viruses, I putted the disquette in a sterylization machine used to sterylize laboratory instrumentals"...

no comment...

- The Great Chibero
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

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