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Dumbass Database
A collection of dumbasses for your amusement
Created By: WebMasterP
Version: 2.8.5

Category: Miscellaneous

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Dumbass #110 - Submitted on 03-01-2002 by End
Okay, this first on is what I did...
The school I go to has actually 2 networks, one for computer classes and one for the rest of the school (The computer teachers ARE actually smart), because he complains that nobody outside his network knows the difference between a monitor and a computer (exagguration, if thats how its spelled). anyways, since I have 3 computer classes that means I have a logon name for both networks, I walk into my first period class (Auto CAD) and ask why cant I logon? a friend looks over and laughs, I put the other name for the username instead of the right one, after that I proceeded to enter my password into username several times, figure it out, and do the very first problem again, (good god! I must have got to bed late last night!)
Now, this one is really funny (was), okay its third period, ive befriended about the entire class, even a *gasp* jock. being the good friend that I am (not at all), I go to his computer and ask whats wrong.
"The entire screen is black, I press ctrl+alt+delete, and nothing happens"
after a couple seconds "Turn on your monitor"
I proceed to walk away, when I am summoned again
him "it wont turn on"
apparently he doesnt notice the two notorious jerks behind his computer laughing
me (I press the monitor button, they plug the monitor in)
him "thanks man!"
I attempt to walk back to my computer...
him "HEY! it just shutoff!"
jerks behind his computer "Its like the rest of the computer, you have to hold it for like five seconds"
me *press and hold (to upkeep the masquerade) the monitor button for five seconds, low and behold, it works!*
him "thanks dude"
I am now walking as fast as I can to my own computer
him "WHAT THE HELL!?!?"
the two guys from behind his computer burst out laughing their asses off
him "Hey, you werent playing any tricks were you?"

its always funny unless it happens to you...
me - Hey, why doesnt my mouse work?
kid - *giggling*
me - *punches kid behind computer*

- Adrian
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #92 - Submitted on 02-04-2002 by dogbyte_13
Why do Nontech people think that when you install a hard drive it will just magically show up and not have to partition or format it?

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #89 - Submitted on 02-04-2002 by McNugget
Day 1:
Well, i get called into work one day because the boss's brand new Tax software keeps locking up his computer. I ask him whats been happening and he relates a story about how it locks up after about 4-5 minutes of inactivity, or at random times while being used.

So i tell him that there is probably very little i can do,as it is most probably a software glitch.
So he tells me how he called up the Tech support for the software.

Now, Tech support has always been accused of being a bit dumb, but this is possibly the most stupid thing i've heard.
Tech Support suggested that his computer had faulty hardware (a computer that runs flawlessly and has for 2 years) and that the best thing he can do to fix it is a "Defrag". Hahahaha.
I had to explain to him, that Defrag would have no affect on the stability of a piece of software, but to keep him happy, i set his machine to defrag anyway.

Day 2:
I turn up only to find that (surprise), the defrag dint fix the problem, so i proceded to re-install the software. After which i loaded it up and played around for ten minutes to see if it will crash.... Well, it didnt crash for me, but it did assoon as i left, so i come back inand ring up tech support myself.

Tech support always assumes that you are a dumbass otherwise you wouldnt be ringing them, so they try to baffle you with BS.So i relay the story to the chick on the other end with a north american accent. and all was goingfine until i called the BSOD a "blue screen with an error"(since i dont like to use jargonon the phone). Suddenly, the chick thought she was talking to a dumbass and proceded to tell me that it was the "blue screen error" that caused the software to lockup, that their software cannot cause a blue screen error because they are part of the computer system and "BLue Screen Errors" cannot occur because of a software fault. Straight away i knew this was the same person that the boss spoke to yesterday when he was told he needed to defrag. lol. Should i have told her that the software was causeing RAM addressig errors all the time? would she have know what i was talking about?
I didnt waste my time putting her in her place.... instead i asked to be put through to a technician,which she quickly managed to fob off.

Damn Tech support,all i want to know was the date of the next patch release...

- McNugget
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #84 - Submitted on 02-03-2002 by Hwangster
I once met a group of people on a dumbass forum, and they were making mean remarks about other people's lack of technical skills. However, they themselves were in need of some serious help in their writing skills.

- You Know Who You Are!
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #76 - Submitted on 02-03-2002 by qubemicro
I had a job doing help-desk at a tax software company back in the spring of '98, and my first ever call was from a pretty irate woman. After answering the phone the first words she uttered were "You people are FUCKING ruining my life!" I apologized for any problems she was having and asked how I could help her, to which she replied "If I had a dollar for every time you people screwed up I could fucking retire." After calming her down a bit I found out which product she was using and prodeeded to try and troubleshoot it with her. After several minutes it came out that the program -which is a 32-bit product which will run on Windows 3.11 if the Win32 subsystem is installed- was indeed running on Windows for Workgroups with Win32s which was fine, the problem was that this silly bitch was running Windows on Virtual PC (a PC emulator) on a PowerMac, and that her system didn't even meet the minimum system requirements for RAM that the software developer (who we licensed the product from) placed on the program. When I tried to explain to her that we couldn't support the program since it wasn't actually running on a PC that met the system requirements (she had a 16-bit "OS" pretending to be a 32-bit OS on a system pretending to be a PC), she then flew off on a tangent saying it wasn't her fucking problem we didn't have a Mac product and that we had to help her since she paid us $99 for the software. After about fifteen minutes my manager finally got on the phone with her and told her that we didn't want her as a customer and that we would send her her money back -even though she never asked for a refund- the bitch said we had cost her the customer she was trying to prepare taxes for who had been sitting there the whole time.

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #75 - Submitted on 02-03-2002 by Mammoth321
Anyone remember the IBM case that has a hydrolic sliding door (much like the Alienware case). A lady bought the IBM system and she takes it home call back the next day say the door is broken. I ask her did it fell off the case? She say no! Press the blue button and the door slide down, but when I press it again, it will not go back up.

A co-worker of mine at the computer store is working on an old NEC system (P233) and the case is built a little differently then the usual case, the power supply is on the bottom. His job was to put in a new CDROM, after taking apart the computer and put the CDROM in we fire it up and realize that he has put the CDROM upside down. He was looking a the power supply and use it as a guide.

- Mark
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #73 - Submitted on 02-03-2002 by loogie
Ok, here's a true example of how smartass principals shouldn't try to make things up and scare students:

This happened during a bs trouble situation w/ me, a friend of mine and my principal dealing w/ the Internet and files on it. In one meeting in his office, he claimed this: "If u hold the ALT key while ur computer is booting up, u can recover deleted files on your Hard Drive." He was referencing this to the FBI doing a sweep of my PC if I tried to delete some of these files.

After he said this and the meeting ended, my friend and I went home to our PCs and tried it. Sure enough, holding ALT on bootup did nothing.

It seems that he thinks the HDD keeps deleted files in like some magical temporary cache sector or something. Did he even think about the Recycle Bin? Programs to use in the OS that could do the same thing? Cmon, FBI, I'm ready.

- Principal
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #69 - Submitted on 02-02-2002 by Terillius
Hosting a Quake II LAN Party, I created a server and waited for everyone to join. As the 10 or so people joined I watched as their names were announced: Terillius, Mosquito, Shmug, Chimerae, DoinkyBottoms, CS-SUX, and so on. The next name was the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. My good friend BJ Owen entered with this awesome alias: B.J. Owen.

- Jordan
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #60 - Submitted on 02-02-2002 by Ballistyx

I used to work as a "salesman/service tech/phone support/anything else my boss could think of" for a small mom & pop computer store.

One particular Saturday, I was in the back room building some new PC's, when two of my co-workers came barreling into the area I was doubled over laughing )and falling over each other in the process).

They could barely talk, but they managed to gesture that I should go out front by frantically pointing towards the door.

Soo.. naievely I went out the door and I instantly saw why they were in pain.

This woman had come into the store, but apparently didn't bring all her nuts and bolts with her when she left home. She had neatly torn a tissue in two and stuck them in her ears. Mind you, she didn't STUFF them into her ears, but she merely placed them in such a way that she had two tissue triangles sticking out of her ears.

I quickly ran back and laughed my ass off too.

A few days later, I relayed this story to a good friend of mine who used to work for an OfficeMax in the area. Apparently this woman did this same stunt there, except my friend had the balls to ask her why she was doing such a ridiculous stunt.

From what he told me, that was her way of saying that she didn't like the music you were playing in the store (we used to play hard rock). She apparently only liked Indian Tribal music, and had nothing but contempt for ANYTHING else.

Oh yeah.. where are my boys in the white jackets when I need them???

- Tissue Woman
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #59 - Submitted on 02-02-2002 by breadfan
This guy at work constantly has computer problems...one time he thought his monitor was dead because "the mouse won't move". Turns out Windows had locked up...

Anyway, I could go on, but I'll just say the latest one. I heard him asking our database guy a question, I guess cause I've learned to just ignore him, lol.

Anyway, he was like "Well, I've got this Beacon something or other typing program I use. I think it helps me type faster, but lately it doesn't work"

So this database dude was like "Well what happens?"

The dumbass replied "Well, I tried to remove it, and something happened, but now when I click on the icon it won't work."

All I can say is, WTF??? Oh yeah, he also cried for a wireless keyboard and mouse because he doesn't like the cords, lol...I'm gonna give him an old typewriter, then again, he'll just break that anyway...

- Breadfan
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

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